


romance is hard

by murasakiseiko



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-22
Updated: 2010-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-13 23:44:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/142993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murasakiseiko/pseuds/murasakiseiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Feferi broke up with Eridan, things weren't going so well. Luckily (or unluckily), Karkat the romance expert is here to help. Sort of, at least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	romance is hard

**Author's Note:**

  * For [provetheworst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/provetheworst/gifts).



> The request:  
>  **Characters/Pairing:** Karkat/Eridan  
>  **Situation:** Something after Feferi's "broken up" with Eridan as moirails and revived Sollux, and Eridan's being all mopey and overdramatic per usual. I just really want Karkat as the voice of reason, "cheering him up" in an incredibly angry way. Matespritship? Moirails? Just plain ol' sufferers of the troll disease called friendship? It's up to you, but I wouldn't mind a lil' redrom.
> 
> My first time writing Karkat, but hopefully it's still enjoyable! ♥

He hadn't bothered staying around in the Land of Brains and Fire for long. After Fef had caught him attacking Sollux, the princess had been pretty angry at him. Eridan was used to her being irritated or frustrated, since she never _really_ understood his plans, but real, full-blown anger was far rarer. But really, what made him leave the other two trolls behind (other than the intense feelings of jealousy, of course) was the disappointment in Feferi's eyes. He really hadn't meant to upset her - everything he'd ever _done_ was for her (and his) benefit. So when the princess had suggested he leave, Eridan somewhat reluctantly left her behind and moved on to the Land of Pulse and Haze.

Of course, once he was there he had a lot of time to think. At this point it was pretty clear that he was the most fuckin' pathetic troll _ever_. His "fight" hadn't even gotten the bipolar troll to hate him. And Karkat _still_ hadn't talked to him, even though he tried and tried over and over again. And Kar was _always_ there for him, he was his best friend in the whole goddamn _world_ , and even _he_ was ignoring him. His life was _awful_!

But, of course, that was the exact moment that his alchemized glasses (the only thing he'd bothered making before rushing off to "save" Fef) informed him of an incoming message.  


>   
> 
> 
> carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]
> 
> CG: WOULD YOU STOP MESSAGING ME ALREADY??  
> CG: I DON'T CARE HOW IMPORTANT IT IS, I DON'T NEED A MILLION GODDAMN MESSAGES ABOUT IT!   
> CA: wwell SORRY  
> CA: seriously kar i thought wwe wwere fuckin FRIENDS and i just needed some goddamn ADVVICE about somethin  
> CA: but i see howw it is clearly your other friends are wway more important than me  
> CA: i really am the most pathetic EVVER fef wwas right   
> CG: WOULD YOU CALM THE FUCK DOWN?  
> CG: LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE EVEN TALKING ABOUT  
> CG: BUT ATTACKING SOLLUX IS NOT OKAY!  
> CG: WE CAN'T BEAT THIS THING IF YOU'RE GOING TO GO AND BE YOUR NORMAL, RETARDED, IMPULSIVE SELF AND ATTACK PEOPLE BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID HATE CRUSH ON THEM!   
> CA: thats not wwhy  
> CA: fef broke up wwith me   
> CG: WAIT  
> CG: REALLY??  
> CG: I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER OR WHATEVER.   
> CA: yeah wwell apparently she only wwanted me around to feed her lusus as soon as it wwas dead she just fuckin dumped me like the pathetic brinesucker i am  
> CA: she wwasnt too happy wwith wwhat i wwas proposin either   
> CG: OK HOLD ON A SECOND WHILE I BEAT IT INTO MY HEAD JUST HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT YOU ARE.  
> CG: OK DONE.  
> CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THINK ASKING HER TO BE FLUSHED WITH YOU WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA RIGHT AFTER SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU??  
> CG: I KNOW YOU'RE DESPERATE BUT THAT'S JUST SAD.   
> CA: i dont knoww wwhat i wwas thinkin  
> CA: obvviously none a my ideas havve been that great since then  
> CA: just the wworst ideas EVVER wwhy am i evven botherin theres no wway shed evver wwant me  
> CA: evven that yelloww blooded mindfreaks better than me  
> CA: thats howw awwful and wworthless and pathetic i am   
> CG: WAIT, BACK UP THERE  
> CG: ARE YOU SAYING PRINCESS GLUBSALOT IS TRYING REDROM WITH SOLLUX?   
> CA: yeah it sure fuckin looked like it  
> CA: especially wwhen i wwas leavvin and she  
> CA: nevvermind   
> CG: SHE WHAT?   
> CA: wwell  
> CA: she KISSED him   
> CG: OH  
> CG: OH MAN, I'M SORRY BRO.  
> CG: THAT'S GOTTA REALLY SUCK.   
> CA: glub   
> CG: LOOK  
> CG: I'VE GOTTA GO, JACK LOOKS LIKE HE'S GETTING READY TO STAB SOMETHING AGAIN.  
> CG: WHERE ARE YOU?   
> CA: i dont knoww some wweirdass place wwith bright red blood evverywwhere its kinda creepin me out  
> CA: this is the fourth fuckin one ivve been in and its like they just keep gettin WWORSE its fuckin pissin me off   
> CG: OK  
> CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE MY WORLD.  
> CG: I'M IN TAVROS' WORLD NOW, THERE'S TWO IN BETWEEN THERE.  
> CG: IF YOU THINK YOU CAN CATCH UP GO AHEAD.  
> CG: OTHERWISE WE CAN TALK LATER.  
> CG: ALRIGHT?   
> CA: yeah ok  
> CA: thanks kar   
> CG: YEAH.  
> CG: I'M REALLY SORRY MAN.
> 
> carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]
> 
>   
> 

  


\- - - - - - - - - - - - 

In the end, between Karkat having to actually lead and everyone getting involved in their own quests and problems, Eridan didn't really have a chance to catch up to him. But whenever they actually had a bit of free time, Karkat did what he could. Of course Eridan carped about it the whole time, how if Kar _really_ cared he'd give him some _good_ advice instead of always just yelling and swearing and insulting, but the purple-blood still kept going back and talking to him the next chance he had. By the end, when everyone had finally started working together and they set off to challenge the Black King, Eridan finally seemed to be doing a bit better. Sure, it was pretty obvious to just about everyone that he wasn't happy about working with Sollux, or with seeing him with Feferi. But there weren't any more death threats or fights, and it actually seemed like coexistence might be possible, at least until they won.

And then everything went to hell. Their reward was stolen from them, and they were forced to retreat. After the initial shock, everyone mulled around, doing their own thing. For Feferi, though? That meant pretty much just sticking to Sollux's side - which wouldn't have really been a problem, had it not been for Eridan's jealousy.

It really didn't take long for the sea-troll to start having problems with their set-up. None of them were really _happy_ with their temporary home in the lab, but at least none of the other trolls were constantly challenging each other to duels or storming off to "brood" (although really, no matter what he called it, Eridan was just moping and throwing fits). Not that anyone was particularly surprised by Eridan's reactions to everything - he had always been one of the most over-dramatic of the group, especially when it came to emotions.

What _was_ a surprise, though, was the fact that none of them had really heard about it. Normally Kanaya was the first to hear about his problems, often long before they could even be _considered_ problems, but Eridan hadn't talked to her at all. And, even after the break-up, Eridan still went to Feferi a lot for help, possibly even more than he ever had when they'd been moirails. But that was only for little things, and it never happened once after they arrived in the Veil. No one else had heard a thing, either, even though normally Eridan would talk about his problems to anyone who would listen (and some who wouldn't). So it was actually kind of a relief to Karkat when the other troll stopped being such an idiot and finally talked to him.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - 

  


>   
> 
> 
>   
>  caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
> 
> 
> CA: hey  
> CA: kar   
> CG: FUCKING FINALLY!  
> CG: WERE YOU SERIOUSLY JUST TRYING TO AVOID TALKING TO EVERYONE ABOUT THIS?   
> CA: huh  
> CA: i dont knoww wwhat youre talkin about kar  
> CA: but  
> CA: i wwas wwonderin  
> CA: wwould it be ok if  
> CA: wwell   
> CG: SPIT IT OUT ALREADY FUCKFACE.   
> CA: can i come to your block  
> CA: just to talk  
> CA: please   
> CG: WHAT?  
> CG: SURE, I GUESS SO.   
> CA: great  
> CA: ill be right there
> 
> caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
> 
>   
> 

  


Sure enough, only a few minutes later Eridan was knocking on the door to Karkat's makeshift respiteblock. Karkat quickly answered -- he was _not_ desperate to talk to his so-called friend, thank you very much, he was just tired of the dipshit making a complete fool of himself and pissing everyone else off.

"Hey, Kar." The sea-troll actually looked a bit downcast, for once, which was weird. Not that it really stopped Karkat's anger, mind you, but it _did_ throw him off just a bit. Enough that he only responded with a quick "hey" before letting Eridan in to sit on the bed (the entirely shitty bed which he had gotten stuck with. Why the veil had beds instead of something more suited to the race that actually played that session was anybody's guess.) Karkat followed, expecting some sort of rant or emotional tirade or _something_ , but even by the time he thought it over and sat on the bed near the other troll Eridan remained silent. It wasn't until the silence was finally getting to be too much and Karkat was about to yell at Eridan to get the fuck out of his block if he wasn't going to say anything that Eridan finally broke the silence. (Which really shouldn't have been too surprising. After all, Eridan _was_ pretty much the master of dramatic timing.)

"This is fuckin' _awful_. The worst fuckin' thing _ever_! I fuckin' thought bein' moirail-zoned was hard, what with her always just worryin' about makin' sure I didn't fuckin' kill anyone and carpin' about my plans and not ever even _thinkin'_ about anythin' redder. But _this_ is _way_ fuckin' harder, I can't even fuckin' _see_ her anymore without watchin' her be all over that fuckin' _awful_ land-dwellin' freak!"

 _Why_ had Karkat agreed to this? He stayed quiet during Eridan's rant, although really it was only because he couldn't believe how much of an idiot he was, and now that the aquarius was done he just couldn't believe how stupid he'd been. He'd talked to Eridan about Feferi pretty much _constantly_ during their campaign, and the moronic tool still hadn't gotten it through his deformed think pan that Karkat couldn't do anything about it. Great.

"I did _not_ let you come over so you could insult my best friend, idiot! Or even just to hear you rant -- for probably the hundredth time, let me add -- about how much your life sucks because your stupid fishy moirail dumped you! I'm not fucking expecting you to be over her immediately, I know you've been hiding those stupid red leanings for practically the entire time I've known you, but I've already given you as much advice as I really can. Sometimes you just have to give up and move onto someone else, okay?!"

"Yeah, well, that's fuckin' easy for you to say! You don't fuckin' know what it's _like_ , not even havin' a moirail anymore and not havin' a chance with the girl of your fuckin' _dreams_ ," and _now_ the hesitant, unsure Eridan returned, the one who first entered his block without anything more than a greeting. "It's just not fuckin' _fair_. I don't have anyone at _all_ , everyone else's quadrants are turnin' out _way_ better'n mine."

 _Now_ they were getting somewhere. "Oh yeah? Well, maybe it's not working out so well for everyone as you think. And even if it _is_ does that really fucking matter when we're _all gonna fucking die because of the goddamn demon?!_ Yeah, now's _really_ the time to get all weird and depressed about _Feferi_ of all people, how about you fucking worry about all of us dying or do something actually productive for once in your miserable existence?!"

Eridan's response died in his throat at that, and he looked down instead of responding. For a moment Karkat _almost_ felt sorry for him. Almost. But he had to make sure the stupid idiot got it. "Look. I know you feel awful about all this, and you probably should since you were kind of asking for it with being so demanding and not telling her how you really felt. But she's not the only thing in the whole entire _universe_ that matters, alright? It fucking sucks, sure, and with only twelve of us I guess you don't really have too many other choices. But there's gotta be _something_ more fucking important than that, so you can just get the fuck over yourself and stop being such a bulgemunching moron, okay?"

And that was it. Eridan glanced up, staring at Karkat for a moment before finally just breaking down. Karkat couldn't make out most of what he was saying, as the idiot's stupid accent made difficult-to-understand talking between sobs pretty much incomprehensible, but given how the purple-blood normally acted it was pretty easy to guess he was just crying about being pathetic. Again. But Karkat just rolled his eyes, letting the sea-troll cry it out on his bed, and didn't even push the moron away when he started sobbing into his shoulder.

After a few minutes (although it felt like hours, really. Who knew that having a gilled freak crying on your shoulder could be so indescribably horrible?) Eridan finally calmed down, at least enough that he had stopped leaning on Karkat's shoulder and was starting to try and make himself look presentable again. "Sorry, Kar. I'll fuckin' leave now, you've probably got way more important things to do than take care've me and my stupid problems."

"No, hold on a minute, asshole." Eridan turned to him, a surprised look on his face, before stopping in the process of getting up. Karkat himself wasn't really sure what to say, here, but there was no fucking _way_ he was gonna just let the stupid watery bastard walk off after whatever the fuck this was. "I'm not letting you leave if you're just gonna be a stupid retard again and not fucking _talk_ to someone about this shit. Don't get me wrong, I don't care about you, I'm not doing this out of some sort of misbegotten worry about your mental health or some stupid-ass hoofbeast shit like that. But if you go back to moping or whatever the fuck like you were before then you're just gonna piss everyone else off. Got it?"

"Fine, whatever, I'll talk to Kan if I need anythin' else, so you don't have to worry about that."

"You can talk to me too, you know. I mean, you picked me this time, and since it's all relationship shit I know I'm pretty awesome at that."

"Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Kar." And after that, the room fell back into silence. But before it could get too awkward, Eridan finally left, leaving Karkat wondering just what the fuck just happened.

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - 

  


>   
> 
> 
>   
> caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
> 
> 
> CA: hey kar   
> CG: WHAT IS IT NOW?  
> CG: YOU JUST FUCKING LEFT NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES AGO, WASN'T SOAKING MY SHIRT IN YOUR AWFUL PURPLE TEARS ENOUGH FOR YOU?   
> CA: shut up ok  
> CA: i wwas just thinkin  
> CA: maybe  
> CA: wwould you wwanna  
> CA: wwell  
> CA: maybe try somethin a bit  
> CA: pale  
> CA: wwith me   
> CG: UH  
> CG: WHAT  
> CG: I MEAN  
> CG: I KNOW I JUST HELPED YOU OUT BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY WHAT I WAS DOING IT FOR.   
> CA: oh  
> CA: yeah  
> CA: i kneww that  
> CA: sorry kar  
> CA: ill stop botherin you noww   
> CG: NO, DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT STUPID LITTLE MOPEY THING, OK??  
> CG: I DIDN'T SAY NO I JUST SAID I HADN'T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT.  
> CG: BUT I GUESS YOU AREN'T REALLY THAT INTOLERABLE  
> CG: AND YOU KIND OF DO NEED SOMEONE I THINK SO YOU DON'T GO ALL CRAZY ON US AGAIN AND ATTACK ANYONE  
> CG: SO  
> CG: I GUESS WE CAN TRY IT OUT IF YOU WANT.   
> CA: wwhat  
> CA: you seriously mean that  
> CA: you arent just jokin around to try and make a fool a me right  
> CA: oh haha eridan youre such a fuckin tool look howw stupid i made you look by pretendin to wwanna go pale wwith you  
> CA: or somethin else dumb like that   
> CG: WELL IF YOU'RE GONNA BE AN ASSHOLE ABOUT IT THEN THE ANSWER'S NO.   
> CA: NO fuck  
> CA: dont fuckin break up wwith me wwhen wwe havvent evven tried this shit yet  
> CA: ill stop bein an asshole ok kar  
> CA: i wwas just surprised thats all  
> CA: sorry   
> CG: YEAH WELL  
> CG: OK FINE  
> CG: GOOD  
> CG: LET'S TRY THIS, THEN.   
> CA: yeah  
> CA: <>
> 
> caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
> 
>   
> 
> 
> carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]
> 
> CG: <>
> 
> carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]
> 
>   
> 


End file.
